📖 Pastor's Funeral Playbook

The pastor's guide to pre, during, and post-funeral duties.

Funerals hold a sacred space within the church, especially in the black church. During times of bereavement, families come together yet sometimes still experience emotional distance. As a pastor, your role is to assist and support the family during their time of need, helping to provide language and comfort.

To ensure you pastor well, it is crucial to handle funerals with great care as families will remember your presence or absence; thus, finding your footing in this area is important. If you have witnessed and closely participated in funeral services led by a pastor, you may already know what to do. However, for those who have not had that experience, consider this a form of training for your conduct before, during, and after a funeral—a playbook. While it may not cover everything comprehensively, it will set you in the right direction. Let’s discover the vital steps you should take before, during, and after a funeral.

Before the Funeral

Make immediate contact with the family.

Take the initiative to promptly reach out and communicate with the deceased’s closest relatives. Additionally, if you are familiar with the siblings or they are part of your church community, make sure to extend your support to them as well. Making timely contact with the immediate family is crucial in these times.

Go be present with the family.

If possible, be present with the family in person. Being a non-anxious presence can provide indescribable comfort for the family. As an added necessity, you can learn more about the deceased and their life with their family. Listen to the stories people share and make a note of them; this will be most helpful for preparing the eulogy or remarks.

Provide clarity on their next steps.

Assist with funeral arrangements. Planning a funeral can be overwhelming for families, even for an expected death. Help the family with funeral arrangements, offering guidance and support. Try to make decisions on their behalf, such as selecting participants or making necessary trips and calls to the funeral home, to alleviate the family’s burden.

Offer comfort and compassion.

During the days leading up to the funeral, the family of the deceased needs an exceptionally tender touch. Regardless of their faith level or friendliness, be a pastor to them, showing love and support. Help them as a pastor and ensure all the arrangements are finalized, assuring the family that everything will be handled.

Exercise Caution.

Avoid getting involved in family disputes. During times of bereavement, families can experience both the best and the worst of times. Remember that your role is that of a pastor, not a judge or arbiter. Refrain from taking sides as much as possible and maintain a healthy distance from any issues that may arise. Additionally, it is unnecessary and lacks taste to ask, “What happened in the death of the deceased?” You do not need to know those details; however, you may discover them simply by being present.

During the Funeral